When it comes to relationships, and the often-debated strategy of playing hard to get, it turns out most people think playing hard to get is the best approach.
Research has shown that while being too available can be negative in a relationship, being overly aloof or inaccessible can be just as bad.
The best strategy, it seems, is to show ‘medium availability’ when dating or seeking a relationship.
Let’s find out why.
Too Hard to Get
Playing hard to get has been proven to increase desire. This can be traced to basic human nature; we want what we cannot have.
There are a long list of ways people play the hard-to-get game, including behaving overconfidently, limiting disclosure and displays of emotion, taking extended periods to respond to calls or texts or not responding at all, sarcasm, teasing, taunting, and flirting that shifts from hot to cold.
But research has shown that when someone behaves in an overly unresponsive or aloof manner, even though desire increases, warm and friendly feelings towards the individual decrease.
This can be a turn off, especially in the early days of a relationship when people are typically hyper-sensitive to how a person makes them feel. Adding to this is the fact that being aloof is typically associated with narcissistic or manipulative personalities. Overall, the risks are high of turning someone off completely.
Not Hard Enough to Get?
If we all seek ‘warm and friendly’ in our relationships, why isn’t someone who is always available more attractive to us?
Once again, we turn to human nature. When an individual has a busy life filled with others who want them — be it friends, colleagues, or anyone — it means that they are in demand, and therefore desirable. Subconsciously, this is appealing. Research has shown that people want a partner who is unattainable to others, but attainable to them!
The Perfect Balance
We now know that ‘medium accessibility’ works best when it comes to relationships and dating.
At the end of the day, having a full and busy life will be your key to success. With an abundance of people vying for your time and attention, you won’t have to play hard to get — you just naturally will be.
And that is living authentically.